Who cares if she knows? It doesn’t make no difference, I told myself.
The sun that afternoon was red and too bright to even look at. It covered me with a sort of orange-red light; covered the weeds I was pulling too. I sort of taken to weeding ‘cause I found it relaxing and it kept me out of the house. It wasn’t relaxing right then, though—all I could think about was that she knew.
The ‘she’ was named Minnie, and I was trying to convince myself that she’d still want to be my best friend. It wasn’t working.
She only found out ‘cause I went swimming one time a few days back. I was technically trespassing ‘cause the lake was on private property, but the man who owned it was real old and I didn’t figure he’d be around much. I taken off my clothes and was swimming for a while thinking no one was around, but my best friend Minnie had been looking for me and sure enough she found me. I went underwater up to my waist but forgot to cover my stomach area, and she seen some bruises. They looked nasty but they didn’t hurt anymore.
Them weeds I was pulling sure were tough. I yanked out a big grass bush, and a tomato plant with it. Ma come out right then and seen me fall on my rear.
“Caleb! Quit fooling around and come inside!”
Ma was real ornery these days and had started smoking ‘cause of Pa hitting her sometimes too. “Coming, Ma!” I stood up and brushed the dirt off my pants.
That day at the lake I had told Minnie how my Pa hit me. I knew I had to find her again and tell her it wasn’t true so she wouldn’t think I was such a coward for not fighting back, and for going and whining to her about it.
My brother wouldn’t have been a coward, I knew that. He always stood up to Pa. Pa wasn’t real mean back then, but after Levi—my brother—left for the war Pa got meaner. Now he always said Levi was his favorite and that he didn’t know why I couldn’t be more like him since he was my brother after all. I didn’t neither, but I had tried and failed so figured it a lost cause.
Levi and I were both named after folks in the Bible. I guess the names fit, ‘cause Pa always said I was sneaky like a spy and I figured Levi was pretty likely to father a tribe or something important like that.
I was never much hand at education, but Levi was. He read and wrote and all that. On the days that I skipped school for the sunshine and fresh air, Levi always went. We were both of us lean, skinny boys who grew out of our clothes almost as soon as Ma made them, but Levi had real muscle—it just never showed. Anyway, he went off to fight in the war a few years back. Word was the war was almost over now, though. We hadn’t gotten no letters one way or another, so we assumed Levi would be coming home soon.
Pa was already at the table when Ma and I sat down for supper. Potatoes and pork, as usual. I shoveled my food into my mouth ‘cause I wanted to get to Minnie’s house before dark.
“Slow down, boy, or you’ll choke,” Ma snapped.
“Pa,” I said. “Can I go to Minnie’s tonight? I’ll be real quick.”
He didn’t look up from his plate. “Who’s Minnie?”
“My friend.”
Pa snorted. “You couldn’t find some boys to make friends with?”
“Can I go?”
“Don’t make no difference to me.”
I finished my supper and got up to leave. “Be back before dark,” Ma called.
When I was outside the sun was already going down. It was a far piece to walk to Minnie’s place but Pa would whoop me if I took a horse, so I figured I better start right along.
Minnie’s real name was Susan, but everyone called her Minnie 'cause she was awful small. She’d been my best friend since I was thirteen, and after three years there wasn’t much we didn’t know about each other. Practically the only secret I had was about Pa. Well, she knew now, but I was going to make sure she forgot about it ‘cause it was embarrassing and none of her business.
I hadn’t gotten far before I saw a shadow coming over the hill. The sun was behind him, making him real dark. I shaded my eyes to see better but I couldn’t make much out. Looked like he was headed to our place—anyway, there wasn’t much else around—so I decided to wait until he got closer so I could see what he wanted.
After a while the figure got close enough to see and by jove, it was my brother Levi. He had bulked up some and his shoulders were broader. He looked right like a man, and I could scarcely believe my eyes. Before I knew what I was doing I started running out to meet him.
“Well, if it isn’t my kid brother,” Levi said, grinning ear-to-ear in that way of his. He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. For a second or two I reckon I didn’t know what to say.
After Levi let me go, he held me out at arms’ reach. It sure was good to see him again.
“You didn’t write,” I said.
Levi laughed. “I was in the middle of a war.”
“Come on home, Levi,” I said. “Ma and Pa will be glad to see you.” Those words felt real good to say, and they came off my tongue easy. Come home, Levi.
Levi draped his arm around my shoulder. “Alright, let’s go home.”
We walked back to the house together. Ma was sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair, and she jumped up soon as she seen us.
“Levi!” she gasped. “Levi, my boy!”
She ran off the porch to meet us and hugged Levi real tight, even tighter than he hugged me. She rocked him back and forth and I thought she might never let him go. When she was done with the hugging, she brushed his hair with her fingers and stared at his face.
“Samuel!” she called into the house. “Samuel, come out here!”
Lately, I never heard her raise her voice at Pa and get away with it, but I figured she didn’t care right about now. Pa came tramping out onto the porch real annoyed, but when he saw Levi he didn’t look so upset.
“Well….” he started, but he didn’t finish. He came off the porch and sort of looked Levi up and down. “Well, looks like we got ourselves a man now.”
Levi shook Pa’s hand and Ma was just beaming. “Isn’t he so handsome?” she asked. “He looks like a soldier.”
“Well, I was, Ma,” Levi said. I saw something go kind of dark in his face, but then it was gone. “But I’m not anymore.”
“Come inside,” Pa said. “We’ve got supper waiting.”
“Alright.”
Much as I wanted to join them for supper, I looked around and realized it was getting sort of dark. I figured I should probably get going to Minnie’s, but before I could I heard her voice from behind me.
“No one invited me to supper,” she said. I could hear her smiling before I even turned around and saw it.
“Hiya, Minnie,” I said, embarrassed by the mean kind of way Pa was looking at her.
She gave a little wave. I realized I was being rude and introduced Levi to her. “Levi, this is Minnie. She’s my friend.” I could see the look he was giving me out of the corner of my eye, and I didn’t correct him even though Minnie was really just a friend. I figured he might think of me more as a man if he thought Minnie and I had something going.
“You’re Caleb’s brother. He talks about you all the time,” Minnie said.
“Yes, ma’am.” Levi smiled real big. “I sure hope so.”
“Go eat,” I told Levi. “I’ll be coming in a while.”
Levi went with Ma and Pa inside and I stayed out there with Minnie to set the record straight.
“Listen, Minnie,” I said, “that story I told about my Pa the other day at the lake wasn’t true. I got them bruises in a fight I lost, and I was too embarrassed about it to tell you.”
Minnie wasn’t buying it and I could tell. “I knew about your Pa even before the bruises,” she said. “That’s what I came to tell you. I came to say that if you ever need anything, you can always ask me or my family.”
I didn’t ask how she’d known, because sometimes it seemed like Minnie knew just about everything. I kind of just stood there with my hands in my pockets.
“I’m glad your brother’s home,” she said after a while of me not talking.
“Yeah, me too,” I said, grinning. “You’ll like him.” I wanted to invite her to supper, but I didn’t dare ‘cause I didn’t know if Pa was going to act right.
“Well, I should probably head back home,” she said. “I just came to say I’m proud of you, Caleb, and I think you’re brave.”
Well, those words sounded like music to my ears. “Thanks, Minnie,” I said, grinning again. It made me feel stupid but I couldn’t really help myself.
“I’ll see you at school—if you ever decide to come,” she said, smiling in a teasing sort of way.
“Well, if the weather stops bein’ so nice maybe I will.”
Minnie smiled again and waved and started on home, and I watched her until she was out of sight.
When I went inside, Pa was asking Levi all sorts of questions about the war and what it was like in the trenches, and Levi was kind of avoiding them like he didn’t really want to talk about it. Ma was sitting staring at Levi like she couldn’t believe he was really there. I just listened to Levi talk, and he was so educated sounding it made me sit up a little straighter in my chair. I was so proud of him I thought I was going to burst.
After Pa got tired of trying to poke Levi into telling war stories, he lit a pipe and leaned back in his chair. “Your Ma will make up a cot for you in your brother’s room.”
“Actually, I’m not staying here,” Levi said. “I’m going to rent a place in town and I was hoping Caleb could come with me.”
“A place in town?” Ma asked. She was pale all of a sudden. “You mean, you’re not staying with us?”
“That’s right.”
Ma looked at Pa for help, but Pa just nodded. “Levi’s a man now. He’s right to get his own place.” He took another puff on his pipe. “As for Caleb going with him…”
“Caleb’s growing up now too,” Levi said. “I think he could learn a lot with me.”
“Maybe,” Pa said. “But he needs to stay and help with the farm.”
“How about we let him decide?” Levi asked, turning to me. That was about the last thing I wanted. “What do you say, Caleb?”
I hesitated, not real sure what to say and wanting to tread careful. “I’ll think about it,” I said.
Levi nodded. “Alright, you do that,” he said. Then he paused. “On second thought, I might just stay here.”
It was real good of him to say that. He wanted to rent his own place—he’d been saying so since before he left for the war—but I reckoned he didn’t want to leave me ‘cause Pa could be heavy handed sometimes and Levi knew it, and Pa wasn’t getting any nicer. Levi was probably figuring that if he were here Pa would go easier, and he was right. I wasn’t going to let him stay here but I didn’t say that, I just sat there and smiled.
“I hope you do stay,” Ma said. Her voice was softer than I’d heard it in a while.
“Well, I reckon I might just do that,” Levi said. “I reckon I might.”
After supper I started to clean up the dishes and Levi helped me. When we were in the kitchen scrubbing and drying plates, I said, “Don’t worry about stayin’, Levi. I know you always wanted a place in town.”
Levi looked at me and seemed kind of surprised. “Well, I don’t know, Caleb.” He looked around the kitchen. “I’ve got a lot of memories in this place.”
“Yeah, but Pa’s right, you’re a man now. You got to start your own life.”
Levi nodded. “Sure,” he said. “But Caleb…” he paused, and I watched his face. He looked like he was fighting something but I didn’t know what it was. “In war people do a lot of crazy things. Sure makes a man wonder sometimes just what kind of person he is—what kind of person other people are.” He gave me another plate to dry. “I know it’s kind of backwards for me, a grown man, to be living with my folks, but I think it might help me some.”
If Levi thought it would help then that was good enough for me, and truth was I wanted him to stay. I missed having a brother around, and especially now that he was a man I figured I could learn a lot from him. I wanted to be more of a man myself.
We washed and dried the dishes in silence for a while until Ma came in, right when we were finishing. “Boys, come into the parlor. Your pa’s going to read to us from the Good Book.”
Well, that sounded real nice. Levi and I went into the parlor and sat down on the floor in front of the sofa just like when we were kids, and Ma sat on the sofa behind us. Pa wasn’t much for the Bible unless he was quoting ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’, but every once in a while he would sit down and read to us, which was mighty fine by me.
“We’re going to be reading from the book of Second Corinthians,” Pa said, and started reading. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”
Now, I knew the Bible inside and out and Levi knew it too, but he just leaned forward like it was all new to him. Pa kept going on and I kind of leaned back and just listened, and those words were some of the best words I ever did hear.